Not the end of the world....but it hurt so bad

While the rest of the world moved busily about, I sat and watched.
My mind raced as quickly as everyone around me, but my body sat perfectly still.
Tears flowed like a river; it felt like they were creating a tidal wave. Everyone got swept up and washed away in it; except me.
Eyes cloudy, vision blurry--from the tears that wouldn't stop flowing.
The pain, hurt, and anguish was almost, if not completely, unbearable.
I thought of all that I'd been through and thought, I must be able to make it.
The pain I feel now is nothing.
Thoughts of my past and struggles I'd overcome before can now only serve as further motivation.
I will not be broken.
But I was in a fog. Unable to clear it, even with tears. Everything else was washed away but that pain.
It could only be heightened and otherwise magnified as tears dropped from big, brown eyes, to flushed and rosy cheeks, to trembling chin.

~xo

So, like.....yeah.

Sometimes I just get tired. I want answers. And I want them now.

"...Got no patience, and I hate waitin..." --Like Hov.

When I ask a question, why is it that there always has to be a delay before I can get my answer? But you want what you want, when you want it, and God forbid you don't get it.
Pssshhh....I don't want to know.

But I do want to know what's next? Where does this ride take us?

I'm just trying to "know my role", and "play my position", and as my homie pointed out, "stay in my lane". LOL...he didn't even know what he was commenting on, but it fits.

Can I be honest?

I want to be with you.

See, I know you don't think we're ready, but I'm ready & willing to try. I guess I feel that there's no time like the present.

I just need you to understand that I'm not perfect and that we both have things we need to work on in order to make things work; this is true even if we are to maintain our current situation...
We are all works in progress, so it's not fair to either one of us to expect perfection in any way from one another.

I'm not trying to make waves. I want things to continue on a positive path. I'm aware that there will be some bumps along the way, but are you? Are you ready to turn and run at the first sign of trouble?

I'm just afraid of what will happen going forward...is it going to be easier or harder.....?

~xo

When Rain Falls....

Watching the flame dance in a glowing candle holder; reminiscing of a far away lover...
Contemplating past decisions and wondering whether to call them regrets or successes...

Peering out of the window only reminds her of her fears.
All that she is afraid of is on the other side of that glass...

She watches as the rain floods the street, imagining that she, her life--is swept up in the water as well.
She is swept up in the swelling oasis and washed away.

She imagines being able to start over.

The floods have washed away that old girl, and she emerges as a new woman.

~xo

Quote of the day.........

"Hip Hop need some female rappers with some lyrical substance not lyrical barbie bullshit..."

( In reference to the next "hot" thing Nicki Minaj by my homegirl...btw check out her blog @ http://beautifulfashionsmoothie.blogspot.com/ )

I COMPLETELY co-sign this, just for the record....Damn, what happend to Lauryn Hill, MC Lyte, and Queen Latifah???? Oh yeah....I forgot, they weren't "sexy" enough..........thoughts?

~xo

Endless Love

It's like a quintessential dream when we're together; laughing and touching.

I love the way you protect me from the world and keep me safe from life.

You're my warmth and comfort throughout the long days and your arms compel me to yearn for longer nights.

When I wake at night and feel the softness of your lips against mine unexpectedly--it makes my heart flutter.

I often wonder if this thing is what it seems, or if our minds are protecting us from ourselves.

You make me crazy! (¡Usted me hace loca!)
...and I can't understand what it is.

Sometimes I just want to run and scream and hide and cry.
My mind is going a million miles a second.

But what I think about you...
Something different.

You can't be the one for me, because you're not perfect.
You're unexpected.
Unreal and unrealistic.

At the same time, what if you are exactly what I need and I am what you were put on this earth to find?

Maybe we compliment each other in ways that neither of us will ever understand.

Or maybe our understanding is already so intense that our souls are already linked and destined to be together!

Because when I think of you, I automatically smile and feel warm.

And just when I thought it was finally over--you come back and love me, again.

~xo

Satisfaction

Like a sharp knife.
It cuts.
Through the air and the atmosphere.
It scrapes and burns and she thinks she feels the heat of fire and ice all at once.
It runs deep inside of her.
She hopes and falls to her knees prays that it doesn't affect her but it does.
As much as she tries to ignore the pain, it gets more intense.
The sound outside of that door is closer, louder and becoming more obnoxious and she can't take it!!

The more she tries to block it out, the more it seems to pursue her.
It grows and grows--the sound is deafening and the pain is unbearable.

And then she looks down.

Blood is dripping.

And she smiles.

Satisfaction.

~xo

In The Beginning....

Unappreciated and underrated.
You say what you think I wanna hear...
at the right time, but to the wrong effect.
I can't understand why.
Is it really supposed to be acceptable?
When will I be worth more than a few empty words to make me blush?
I wanted to talk to you and get to know you.
Instead I got a wall....
Show me more of you and maybe we can begin something better than what we have.
I believe your past is what is dictating your present and possibly yours, mine, and our future.
I keep telling you to let me in, but you keep this guard up.
How long can we continue this...?

~xo