I do (most) things with intent. I try to think before I make major decisions.
One of them was to become a parent.
I realized that my life would change forever.
I thought I was riding with a person who was in this with me for the long haul.
I know that relationships are never easy, especially when you throw life in there as part of the equation.
But I never took into account that everyone doesn't see things as I do.
At least the person I considered my "other half" didn't.
Too many minor disagreements lead to major confrontations; and then began the accusations and distrust.
I was prepared to fight the good fight for my family.
NOTHING could be worth more to me.
But fighting a one-sided battle is senseless.
I will always feel a connection to him; he gave me the best thing that has ever happened to me.
When we neva fought.....
or had any secrets....there were no long silences; unless we were kissing.
Damn......remember when we used to kiss???
I wonder if we'll ever get those days back, or if we will grow further apart; until we become strangers (again)
Just sittin here thinkin....I kno SO many single mothers, and though I am considered a single mom myself, I know that I couldn't be HALF as great without my son's dad......we may not be "married", or even "together", but he IS my OTHER HALF......we make a great TEAM, and I pray that things will always remain this way.
I have no intent behind this statement, other than to let him know that I will ALWAYS truly love & appreciate everything he does for our lil family!!!!!!
If everything happens for a reason, can somebody please explain this?
I know what I want (or at least I thought I did) and this is NOT it.
I've gone through my life making choices and choosing paths set for me by others; living to please parents, teachers, friends, society....
But when I began to live for myself and do what is right for me, everything around me shattered.
The cracked glass is now in millions of pieces and each step I try to take will only make a bigger mess.
There is no way out.
I talk to myself and try to convince myself that I can do it--I can clean it up--but my mind is racing almost as quickly as my heart.
The two of them seem to be in competition to see which one can kill me first.
My thoughts are on overdrive, but scrambled and difficult to understand, like a digital cable channel.
My heart is re-introducing itself to my lungs, who are now realizing that they must wake up and join the race too (at least try to keep up!)
And now, as they all begin to set a steady pace, I am left to reconsider my direction.