Confusion

I can't keep crying these tears.....
Not knowing what you're thinking.....
Because your words and your actions convey two separate messages.
I can't deny that my words and actions may parallel that same thought.
But the pain I feel based on your conflicting ways is unbearable.
You shut me out, and I am left with nothing but memories.
I choose to remember the positive, and that hurts even more....
How can a person that made my heart so light and happy, now make me feel so heavy, yet empty at the same time?
How did we go from serious discussions of a future, to not even being able to hold a conversation?
How did these emotions come to fruition at all?
I am wondering.....which should I believe? Your words, or your actions?

~xo

Heaven and Hell

Questions go unanswered....
Is it because there are no answers to give, or because there is nothing to say?
I can't stand this feeling.....
I bounce between being on cloud nine and a plateau of indifference.
I don't blame you or suppose these things are necessarily your fault.
They are likely a manifestation brought about by my own thoughts and emotions.
How to channel this into a positive situation is a daily struggle for me.
I can't stand this non-communication, but the miscommunication is sometimes worse.
.....because as we are both attempting to make our feelings known, we often end up hurting one another in the process.
How do we get past this?
Or do we remain here, between Heaven and Hell?
Heaven being our ideal exsistence....
Hell being us, separately exsisting.
So for now, we remain here, in Purgatory.....JUST EXSISTING.

~xo

Why?

Why is it so hard to care about somebody?
Why is it so difficult to open up and let all the feelings flow?
Sometimes it is nearly impossible to let go and let someone in.
There are so many things to say......many more things to we'd like to show......but something stops us every time.
The fear is present, and very real.
Apparently it makes our decisions for us.
We take small steps, all the while anticipating the worst.
Imagine that pleasanr surprise when the release of emotion yields positive results!
Then, slowly but surely, emotions take over.
Then it is these feelings that cloud our judgment.....and they take over, making our decisions for us.

And then, we are hurt.

~xo

Thoughts of a Lover

Have you ever found yourself trying to find that perfect balance between too much and not enough?
Staring into an endless sky and counting the infinite stars.....
Wondering if, as you are gazing into the constellations, and wishing, you have the same hopes and dreams as your lover?
What is it about sharing the most intimate moments-the most passionate of circumstances-that makes us believe we are somehow intertwined in a way that connects us like no one else?
But, have you never felt more alone than when you were together?
An emptiness fills your heart and a shallowness embodies your soul....
When exactly does the excitement end and monotony begin?
At what point do we lose each other until it dwindles down to nothingness?
Friends become lovers, lovers become enemies, enemies become strangers.....
The game we play is a cycle, which spins us in a circle that ends only when one of us is determined to be the winner.