It Hurts

....and it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time....

~xo

Unfinished (Numero Dos)

My heart will always hold a place for you that no one else could ever fill.
Your arms make me feel safe & protected in a way I've never felt before.
I rely on your approval--even for the smallest things.
We have come so far, so fast...I can't imagine letting you go.
I don't think you truly understand how great my love for you is.
Sometimes I wonder if you realize how much I really care and how much I need you in my life.
It seems that my insecurities are what holds us where we are.
But my thoughts terrify me into thinking that where we ARE is where we'll ALWAYS be.
I go through stages where I can't help but pour my heart out to you....and I don't care how silly it makes me look to tell you my true feelings.
At the same time, I want you to feel the hurt I feel....
Your indifference is like a shot to my heart.
We see things so differently at times.....
I fear that a common ground will never be met.
For a woman to be without her man....a family without its father....
To feel that all the love I am capable of sharing will go unreciprocated....
Kills me softly.

Not the end of the world....but it hurt so bad

While the rest of the world moved busily about, I sat and watched.
My mind raced as quickly as everyone around me, but my body sat perfectly still.
Tears flowed like a river; it felt like they were creating a tidal wave. Everyone got swept up and washed away in it; except me.
Eyes cloudy, vision blurry--from the tears that wouldn't stop flowing.
The pain, hurt, and anguish was almost, if not completely, unbearable.
I thought of all that I'd been through and thought, I must be able to make it.
The pain I feel now is nothing.
Thoughts of my past and struggles I'd overcome before can now only serve as further motivation.
I will not be broken.
But I was in a fog. Unable to clear it, even with tears. Everything else was washed away but that pain.
It could only be heightened and otherwise magnified as tears dropped from big, brown eyes, to flushed and rosy cheeks, to trembling chin.

~xo

Satisfaction

Like a sharp knife.
It cuts.
Through the air and the atmosphere.
It scrapes and burns and she thinks she feels the heat of fire and ice all at once.
It runs deep inside of her.
She hopes and falls to her knees prays that it doesn't affect her but it does.
As much as she tries to ignore the pain, it gets more intense.
The sound outside of that door is closer, louder and becoming more obnoxious and she can't take it!!

The more she tries to block it out, the more it seems to pursue her.
It grows and grows--the sound is deafening and the pain is unbearable.

And then she looks down.

Blood is dripping.

And she smiles.

Satisfaction.

~xo