At A Loss......

I constantly seem to be thinking...
The wheels are ALWAYS in motion.
And I don't know if it's so much "thinking" as it is worrying.
It's hard when all you want to do is be happy, and part of your dreams are that those around you are happy as well.
And sometimes you feel as if their happiness rests on your shoulders.
I try so hard....and I wonder why.
I realize I'm often in a parallel between trying to be myself and what others want me to be. I have yet to find out if they are one in the same.
If I were to take the advice of others, I would be selfish and do only what makes me happy.
But how do I make ME happy, and satifsy the wants and needs of those closest to me; when their happiness is essentially what completes me???
It is an endless cycle...one in which I battle with myself daily.
Usually the external me wins.
The internal me continues to strive for a different outcome, forcing the fighter inside of me to be defeated once again.
I can't explain it.
But one day I will make sense of it all.
Or maybe I won't.
I can only hope to obtain a better understanding of myself, and in turn hope that those around me will continue to love and accept me for the woman I have become, instead of the girl I once was.

~xo